About Rachel

Rachel learned the ropes of the dating industry while doing Matchmaking and Marketing for an online dating startup and heightened her understanding of the business as a Matchmaker’s Assistant for Great Date Now Inc.  She has since done freelance work as a Matchmaker/ Dating Coach for a small clientele in NYC and now works as a recruiter for Master Matchmakers and interns as a Therapist at The Training Institute of Mental Health.

Rachel has a natural ability to connect with and relate to the singles that she recruits for Master Matchmakers. She too is on a journey to find and keep perfect love in an imperfect world.  Rachel is on a mission to save the world-one relationship at a time and has a special place in her heart for young women struggling with the challenges of modern day dating.

Through her work, Rachel helps women develop healthy, satisfying relationships. For the purposes of this blog, she focuses on heterosexual relationships. However, much of her writing can also apply to lesbian and bisexual females, as the underlying message is that being a real beauty is about being true to oneself in the context of any relationship. Above all, Rachel inspires her clients to become the best versions of themselves.
 

Join Rachel's group, "Let's Talk About Love" in the Forum
 

Latest Entry

Breast Cancer & Intimacy

Contrary to popular belief, intimacy isn’t all about sex. This is good news for women in treatment for breast cancer who are likely to struggle with physical and psychological challenges that may inhibit their sexual desire and pleasure. Pain and vaginal dryness, however, are by no means a death sentence for one’s ability to be intimate with her partner. Indeed, there may be a need to explore new ways of being sexual together, and that in it itself can facilitate intimacy, as couples trade in their sexual routines for new, exciting experiences.

Perhaps, breast cancer is an invitation for some couples to go back to the basics of intimacy. They may take the opportunity to explore touch and physical closeness in ways that they wouldn’t sans the diagnosis. Physical closeness, as well as engagement in deep conversation and everyday activities can increase intimacy.

Intimacy is about being vulnerable. If a woman can open up about the fears and heartache that may came with breast cancer, her partner can understand her and share his vulnerability. It seems like breast cancer can actually increase empathy and intimacy for some couples. Despite the challenges of breast cancer, many couples can prove capable of doing whatever it takes to feel close to each other.

 

Previous Entry

Texting & Your Love Life
 

Studies show that texting while driving can be dangerous, but can the recent trend also have a negative impact on your relationships? While there are indeed positive aspects to staying in close contact with your significant other via text, it is possible that texting could put a strain on your relationship. 

If you are concerned that texting has become an issue, seriously ponder the following questions. If you get answers that you dislike, you may want to consider a texting hiatus to improve communication with your relationship. If you answer yes to more than the majority of these questions, it may be a good idea to make some changes in the way you use text messages with your partner.

1. Do you feel uncomfortable when having to cancel plans or deliver bad news on the phone because you have become used to doing such via text?

2. Do you find it difficult to “read” your partner through text and find yourself getting upset over the nature and frequency (or lack thereof) of his/her responses?

3. Does texting interfere with your ability to focus on your partner and be in the moment while with him/her on a regular basis?

4. Has there been a considerable decrease in your telephone or face-to-face conversation?

Girl Talk Revisited

Without a doubt, how you communicate about your relationship may have just as significant of an effect on your relationship as how you communicate with your partner does. The language we use and the stories we tell others influence our beliefs, thoughts, and actions. If we have the power to clean up the narratives that are filled with negativity-the ones that really hinder how we come to think of our relationships- we can learn to protect our relationships from the negative influence of others. 

Some tips are as follows:

1. Be careful who you seek advice from. Even the most-well meaning of friends can have biases and negative experiences from their own relationships that will taint their perspective on your relationship.

2. Don’t reveal extremely personal details about your partner or relationship when you are angry that you would otherwise keep private. You may come to regret such revelations when you forgive your partner and learn that your friends and family may be less forgiving.

3. Pay attention to the way you talk about your relationship, because your monologues and dialogues may reveal your true, unconscious feelings.  What are you saying; what aren’t you saying?  If you are making every detail a drama for your friends to analyze, ask yourself why. Is it a fun way to bond or a pattern of yours? Are you bored or craving attention? Are you telling your friends things that you are unable to tell your partner.
 

If you really stop to think about the impact of your communications with others on your relationship, your discoveries may amaze you.

Men, Women, and The Great Divide

Indeed, communication issues are one of the main reasons most couples state for their decision to enter therapy.  The media seems to heighten our awareness of the stereotypical communication differences between men and women, namely women like to talk about feelings and emotions while men do not. As our society evolves and many people adopt increasingly liberal interpretations of gender, the divide in communication style lessens considerably. Still, there are many couples who still conform to the traditional dictates of their gender; such can make effective communication about relationship problems seem nearly impossible.

If you think you and your significant other could benefit from learning how to strike a balance between your diverse communication styles, by all means, tell him! It sometimes seems like women are afraid to share negative opinions and rock the boat, so to speak, for fear of angering or losing their partners. By remaining silent, the only thing they are really losing is the opportunity to develop and maintain genuine communication. If you want to improve your relationship, you must say what you mean and mean what you say.  Resist the urge to be appropriate, polite, or right. In the long run, he’ll thank you for it.
 

The Problem With Settling In Relationships

Real beauty in relationships is about respecting your own self worth. It is about choosing to become involved with men who treat you how you want and deserve to be treated. It is about knowing what you want out of a relationship and refusing to settle for less. It is about maintaining boundaries, setting limits, and being strong enough not to fall in love (or like) with someone for his potential.
 

Sometimes, we may be tempted to put up with “bad” behavior from someone that we are really interested in or attracted to. Perhaps, this is because we are lonely, bored, attention-starved, or hopeful that he will change. We may be under the false impression that said guy could love/like us the way we want him to if only we look hotter, act sexier, or show him how easygoing and accommodating we can be. Such “if only” thinking diminishes our confidence and power. It’s our justification for sitting around and waiting for his call, for holding on when we know we should let go.
 

Settling in relationships makes us feel empty, less than, and unworthy of what we truly desire. When we make someone else more important than ourselves on a regular basis, we can lose our identities and passion for life. When our friends realize the way we are putting ourselves down, they can become very frustrated.

Some friends will tell us we are dating a jerk, others will point out that we are enabling the guy to act like a jerk; still others will silently wish that we will come to our senses. Without a doubt, it would be great if we could realize sooner, rather than later, that we deserve far more than just a diamond in the rough.
 

Sometimes, you just know.

As a professional matchmaker, I regularly ask singles what they are looking for in terms of relationships. It is not uncommon for women to answer with the seemingly default “I’ll know it when I see it” response. While I’m convinced that many women have fabulous intuition, I think a vision for dating/relationships can be very beneficial to anyone in search of love.

Some say that if we don’t stand for something, we’ll fall for anything. How great can our chances of getting what we want be if we don’t know what it is that we most desire? Career coaches advise their clients to know their values and deal breakers in the world of work. They encourage people to seek employment in positions that support their unique strengths and feed their visions. How wonderful would it be if you can apply this same principle to your pursuit of romantic relationships?

After some soul searching, you should be able to write a detailed statement describing many aspects of your ideal relationship. Your vision can include a detailed profile of your potential partner, and notions of anything from how you will spend your Saturday nights to how you will navigate through the peaks and valleys that you are likely to encounter if you stay in the relationship for the long term.
It is crucial that you write down your vision, if you are serious about bringing it to life.

There is something about putting a pen to paper that encourages commitment. Once you write it, you should place it somewhere that is frequently visible to you or carry it in your wallet as a reminder. You should sum it up and create affirmations based on your vision. If you say what you want on a consistent basis; if you live it, and if you breathe it, it will find you.

This is when you will just know.

Fab Tips For Your Online Dating Profile

1. Browse other profiles

Your goal in writing your online dating profile should be to make yourself stand out from the rest of the pack. Read profiles of both male and female members on the sites to which you subscribe to get a general feel for what people are communicating about themselves online. You can borrow an idea or two from a really well-written profile, but try not to copy others or sound to cliché. Your profile should be written from your own unique voice.

2. Show - don’t tell

It is much better to paint a picture of yourself using creative, personal descriptions and life experiences than to simply string together a list of adjectives that can be used to describe just about anyone. If you were the type of guy who appreciates a lady with a sense of humor, would you be more likely to contact the girl who describes herself as funny or the one who highlights a few details from a typical encounter with friends that had her laughing until milk nearly runs out of her nose?

3. Lighten up
 

An online profile is not the place to share even an ounce of negativity about your past relationships. A profile that states what you are looking for in a positive fashion, as opposed to one that lists all of your turn offs, is much more appealing.

4. A picture is worth a thousand words

All of the online dating experts are in agreement when it comes to photos: you must post clear, recent, and high quality photos to get a large volume of responses on any site. Your main photo should generally represent how you will look when you meet someone on a date. Including a photo in which you are doing an activity that you enjoy is also a good idea, as it illustrates an aspect of your personality.

The Real Beauty of Relationships

When it comes to relationships, real beauty is first and foremost being in love with who we are as individuals. When we choose to be in relationships that allow and encourage us to be who we truly are, we are honoring ourselves and increasing our chances of enjoying healthy, loving relationships.

If we allow our relationships to stifle our individuality by putting another’s needs and desires before our own, we are compromising who we are to make a relationship “work”. Of course all relationships require a balance of give and take, but when we are continuously cast in the role of the giver, we are doing a disservice to ourselves.

If all the world is a stage, we should strive to play our most genuine selves from date number one to date number three hundred ninety five. If we want salads and order steaks because the media tells us that men like meat and potatoes girls, we are setting up the plot for a relationship in which it will be difficult for us to ever get what we truly desire.

Being A Real Beauty in relationships requires us to be true to ourselves in ways that are both big and small. As we let our own beauty shine through, we will unconsciously inspire others to do the same. Indeed, the world will be a more beautiful place when women everywhere find those who love them just as they already are.